What the Holiday Season Is “Supposed” to Be… and What It Actually Feels Like

With Thanksgiving and the kickoff to the holiday season right around the corner, it’s common to imagine what this time should look like. But for many people — especially those experiencing symptoms of anxiety or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder — the traditional picture doesn’t always match reality.

So if you’re feeling more overwhelmed or stressed than joyous, you’re not alone. I want to offer some proactive guidance to help you experience the most grounded, manageable, and meaningful holiday season yet.

🌾 What Tradition Tells Us Thanksgiving Is “Supposed” to Be

These are the cultural expectations most of us were taught growing up:

1. A time to gather with family

In theory: warm, connected, joyful.

In reality: family dynamics can be complicated, emotionally charged, or stressful.

2. A day to give thanks

A day to slow down and appreciate the good. But for anxious minds, gratitude can feel forced, pressured, or even guilt-inducing.

3. Sharing a big meal together

Turkey, sides, desserts — the whole spread.

But this can bring sensory overload, food-related anxiety, emetophobia (fear of vomiting), body-image concerns, and social pressure.

4. A break from work and routine

Rest and recharge. But for people with anxiety or OCD, inconsistent routines often dial symptoms up, not down.

5. The kickoff to the holiday season

Joy and celebration. But also: crowded stores, travel stress, disrupted schedules, heightened expectations, and constant comparison.

🍁 What Thanksgiving and the Holidays Actually Are for Most People

If we’re being honest, the “supposed to be” version is a curated ideal — something that exists more in Hallmark movies than in real homes.

For many, the holidays are a mix of:

• Expensive

• Bittersweet

• Stressful

• Nostalgic

• Overwhelming

• Loud

• Busy

• Emotional

• Comforting and hard

• Meaningful and draining

Both experiences can exist at the same time. And they often do.

🌙 What the Holidays Can Be — Without Pressure

Here’s a more realistic, compassionate version of the holiday season — one that fits people with anxiety, OCD, and, honestly, anyone who feels human this time of year:

• A day you move through at your own pace

• A moment to practice self-compassion

• A chance to connect if you want to — and set boundaries if you need to

• A reminder that perfection is not required

• An opportunity to notice small joys without forcing big emotions

• A time to let the day be “good enough,” even if it’s messy

• A space to use your coping tools (grounding, breathing, delaying compulsions, mindful breaks)

• A day that counts even if it doesn’t look picture-perfect

This version makes room for your nervous system, your reality, and your needs.

🧰 Practical Strategies to Make the Holidays Feel Less Pressure-Packed

1️⃣ Good enough is good enough.

You don’t need to perform or be “on.” Show up as you are — imperfect, real, present.

2️⃣ Let discomfort ride shotgun.

You don’t have to fix intrusive thoughts or urges. Let them be background noise while you keep living.

3️⃣ Take micro-breaks.

Step outside. Get water. Breathe. A 2-minute reset can save your whole day.

4️⃣ Release the “shoulds.”

You don’t need the perfect plate, perfect conversation, or perfect mood. You’re allowed to feel however you feel.

5️⃣ Small gratitude counts.

Gratitude isn’t forced positivity — it can be as simple as “I made it through today.”

✨ BONUS:

Write for 2 minutes each night about specific things you’re grateful for — the small, real moments. Examples:

• enjoying grandma’s stuffing

• the kids getting along (phew!)

• a surprisingly nice conversation with a family member

Small gratitude is real gratitude.

❤️ Bottom Line

Thanksgiving and the holiday season aren’t “supposed” to be anything other than what they are for you.

Cultural narratives say the holidays should be warm, cozy, and deeply grateful. Real life says they’re often complex, imperfect, and very, very human.

You get to shape your holiday experience in the way that supports your well-being — and that’s more than enough.

Follow along throughout the holiday season for more strategies to manage — and even thrive through — holiday stress. At the very least, you’ll be entertained!

✨ Please hit that like button or leave a comment if this resonates with you! ✨Let’s break the holiday pressure to be perfect—because no one should feel like they have to have it all together this season. 💛